There but my heart is longing for..

July 30, 2010 in Diary | 6 comments

Forgive my lack in punctual blogging, I find that my cup runneth over these recent days. I am an oddly, romantic, poetic mood.

“Now I feel, feel you there, how I’m full of love for you…”   Taken from a song that I am particularly fond of. My most treasured, and most dreaded feeling is that of a deep, potent longing, that fair engulfs the soul.

I have been given spiritual dreams before. I recall a day when I asked, who should guide me? What should be my totem? My protector? How could I dare hope to navigate through this alien world?  Exhibit A, the eagle.  After my moments of spiritual turmoil, after I’d asked the question that most burned in this maid’s heart, I fell into a sleep, and I dreamed of running, during a sunny day, picking up eagles off the street and there were so many, I was using my shirt as a receptacle.

Quite fanciful, hmm?

The eagle, in many Tellurian cultures, represents the closest one can come to ‘god’ without being scorched by the sun. The sun’s rays tip her wings, as she soars through the heavens in grace.  The eagle’s message is ‘do not fear to fly high’.

Fly high, little bird..

Would it strike one odd if I said it is so terribly easy to cry, when one thinks of such things? It is not just the sorrow of longing for something words are drefftly inadequate to express, but it is the emotion itself, powerful and driving. At times one feels as if they could drown, in a sea of endless thirst.

It can be so inspired, by the simplest of things, a song, a kinnie, a book.  Ah, dreams.

With a sigh.. I bid you rayati.

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  1. Willow Dreamwalker’s avatar

    Willow Dreamwalker on July 30, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    I understand precisely what you mean when you say it is so easy to cry, not for sadness, but for sheer emotion: I find that I do so quite often.

    It’s often said that one’s totem animal is often one that the person feels particularily strongly towards — one that stirs the most emotion, and that the person holds an inexplicable fascination towards. A totem animal may also have a good many things in common with a person, or the person may feel that they may learn a good deal from it. The eagle, as you say, is an extremely auspicious totem for its ability to fly close to the heavens. It’s often said as well that birds are messengers of the Divine — messengers of Dea. That’s one ofthe many reasons I personally collect feathers.

    In any case, asking such questions as you did and recieving such a dream in return is a pretty good sign that the eagle holds major significance for you. Congratulations!

  2. Sushuri-chei’s avatar

    Sushuri-chei on July 30, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    Oh I know these feelings so well! Sometimes they are connected with a person and sometimes not. Sometimes in the car I would look at my then-guardian – and the far better and greater one before her – and just be overwhelmed with love. Even though I am not a “romantic” person in the grown-up sense, I become so overwhelmed with love. I almost cannot watch MariMite, my e
    emotions are so overstirred by it.
    .
    And totem animals – oh one can think so much about them. In a way they are akin tp guardian janyati, and yet also they are a thing all their own. And somehow it feels that we, being in Culveria, inherit both. Of course the main correspondences of janyati with birds are well enough known:

    Sai Raya – Eagle
    Sai Rhavë – Raven
    Sai Sushuri – Dove
    Sai Vikhë – Hawk
    Sai Thamë – Swan
    Sai Mati – Owl
    .
    Buy who is Sai Candrë’s bird? Is it the seagull who constantly cries for the island of Avala, the Psradise of the Daughter?

  3. Willow Dreamwalker’s avatar

    Willow Dreamwalker on July 30, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    I think a suitable candidate for Honored Sai Candre is the Loon. The loon has been associated by many cultures with dreaming and the psychic domain. Its haunting voice is akin to a call to the wilds — which is also Sai Candre’s domain. It doesn’t do well on land, but is an excellent swimmer — the best of all birds, it is believed — and water has long been associated as well with the astral plane.

    I personally find the call of the loon to be the most chilling, beautiful, irresistable calls in the world. The first time I heard it, in fact, I cried for its sheer haunting beauty and pined for it when it stopped.

    Not the only option for Sai Candre, but I believe it’s certainly one of them!

  4. Lady Aquila’s avatar

    Lady Aquila on July 31, 2010 at 8:39 am

    Of course the birds Miss Sushuri lists are not the only birds related to each of the janyati. Sai Thamë, for example is also very strongly associated with the pavanelle (brunette peahen) the nightingale and the swallow, Sai Vikhë with birds of prey in general. Nor are birds necessarily exclusive. The nightingale also has strong Candric associations.

    The loon seems very likely to be a Candric bird. Sai Candrë has an affinity for water birds (as opposed to sea-birds, which tend to be Sushuric) in any case, and is the name not interesting. While it is not actually etymologically linked to “lunar” we should never ignore the sound-associations of words, which are an important aspect of the traditional science of hermeneutics. This makes perfect sense, of course, when one realizes that sounds are subtly linked to the things they name, rather than being mere arbitrary grunts “evoluted” by ape-men.

  5. misselizabeth’s avatar

    misselizabeth on July 31, 2010 at 10:36 am

    What an interesting conversation that has come up! I believe I have heard the call of the loon somewhere, an interesting bird. You ladies have given me food for thought. I thank you.